The Shepherd Lead Us Home

The Lord their God will save them on that day as the flock of his people. (Zechariah 9:16)


Jesus said "I am The Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down his life for his sheep" Thank you Lord for this! I have a very good friend who is going through very difficult medical circumstance while she is in the early stages of pregnancy. Her and her husband have walked through this grace and faith. Jesus has been their shepherd through this ordeal. He has cared for them and helped them endure all the uncertainties. Jesus has been protecting their unborn child through all of this. I am so glad that Jesus is our shepherd and can lead us during uncertain times. Today is the first time I cried for my friend because of another set back, but I will continue to know and so does my friend and her husband, that Jesus laid down His life for us so we are dearly beloved and well cared for.

Please, pray for my friend, her husband, their daughter and their unborn child. God likes it when we ask. We have direct access to Him through Christ.

Joy in the Midst of Problems

Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout Daughter of Jerusalem! See your king comes to you. (Zechariah 9:9)

The background of this verse is this: The people of Israel had just returned from captivity in Babylon. Their work on the temple had been halted and they were in disfavor with the Persian rulers. It was a troubling time for the people of Israel. The propeht Zechariah brought joy and hope with this proclamation.

The Jews in Jesus day were also going through depressing times, yet Jesus brought much joy with him. He brings joy to lives of sinners, like me. His joy isn't like the joy of a great day or a job well done, it goes much deeper. Our sins our forgiven and He has given us heaven.

When we are experiencing difficult time, but whatever our issues are we can still be filled with Joy and happiness, because Our King made us His Children with an inheritence because our Savior lived!

Storm Clouds on the Way to Heaven

"The Lord Blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first. (Job 42:1,2)

Boy, do I love this verse! It gives me immeasurable hope. The past five months might be the five hardest months I have endured. We still struggle with having Matthew and Vivian in our household. Lack of sleep is one of the biggest challenges that I face. Reading those words above give me hope that one day again, I might feel "normal." There will be an end to this time great challenge. My first thought on writing that was not that the kids will go back to Mom, but that we will learn how to deal with the emotional issues, lack of sleep and find us a fully integrated family. Whichever path it will be, God will provide.

The Author of the meditation, brought up another verse that comforts me today, 'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me." I need constant reminding that God is with us on this journey. Sometimes I feel like I fight this battle alone. I need to realize 1. I'm not alone and 2. Maybe it isn't a battle and I am the one making seem like that.

If you are inclined, would you please pray for me. It seems as those anger has taken residence in me. It seems to be simmering just under the surface. I let it out in form of yelling too much. Please pray this spirit of anger would be released.

A Pause in teh Meditations

I'm sorry tht it has been quiet for the last week. The past week has been difficult in the extreme. I have had such a lack of sleep that my sanity seems to be slipping. The kids just DO NOT sleep through the night. In nearly five months, all three kids have slept through the night just three times. I have slept poorly for the past 19 years so when they kids came and someone asked, how will this affect your sleep? I said, what sleep? Well, I found out that I got a lot more sleep then I thought I got, because it has indeed gotten worse.

This situation has caused all kinds of stress in our household -- lack of sleep, a strong-willed child that is constantly pushing her will against ours, an infant that whines, constantly especially when grandpa leaves, a little girl that doesn't get to have her parents attention like she was used to, a wage earner that is laid off (he starts a new job next Monday, though, praise God!) since January, increased financial expenses and the list could go on. Last Thursday, it came to a head during the overnight. I was up from 1:30 to 5 am (I wake up at 5:40), my husband blew up at me. Friday at work the following morning was a ssupremely difficult day. I wondered if I could survive it.

God bore me through. Had it been up to me, I wouldn't have made it through the front door that morning let alone get through my whole shift at work. I slept as well as I could on Friday night (only up twice with one child), Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights were full of wake ups, so I'm still exhausted, but God bears me up and gets me through the days and looooooong nights that so rarely bring any restful sleep. For the first time in 19 years, I'm thinking about taking sleep medication. Please pray for sleep. I am nearly critically in need of it. Lack of sleep causes irritation and severe lack of patience. I can't seem to give the best of myself under the circumstances and it seems that only the worst comes out no matter how hard of an effort I put in. God has been carrying me through, no dobut. I'd just like to get some sleep.

I will continue with the meditations, I just was sleeping any little bit I could, so I was skipping them.

Faith that Looks to the Future

I know that my Redemmer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. After my skin has been destoyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes -- I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me! (Job 19:25-27)

This is new to me. The words of the meditation suggest that when we are suffering that we focus on the resurrection of Christ. Wow! I had never, ever thought of this before. Maybe I am too focused on the here and now and not the beauty of our lives after death.

I do not fear death, (Only the repercussion my death may have on my little girl and husband) because I know of Christ's awesome promise of life with Him because he defeated death.

Another verse:"I consider our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. " Romans 8:18

Wow! This time of trial will seem as nothing when we are in Glory of God! This reminds me of when Gianna was in the NICU. At the time it seemed a tremendous trial and was so overwhelming, but today it seems like such a brief time and I wonder why we were so worried.

Looking to a Happy Ending

So the two women went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they arrived in Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred becauseof them adn teh women exlaimed, "Can this be Naomi," She told them, "Call me Mara, because teh Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me. The Alrmight has brougth misfortune upon me." (Ruth 1:19-21) A little background on Naomi. She, her husband and two sons left Bethlehem when there was a severe famine and they moved to Moab. While in Moab, her husband died and her sons took Moab women to be their wives. Eventually, her sons died as well. After 10 years is Moab, Naomi returned to Bethlehem with on of her daughter-in-laws, Ruth. As the meditation author put it, Naomi left Bethlehem with an empty tummy and returned with an empty heart. Ruth became God's hands to Naomi, she was a great blessing. In time Ruth bore a son who was the grandfather of King David and it was out of King David's line that our Savior came. What a legacy for Naomi. Sometimes when we focus on the past, we can lose what the future will present us is the ways of God's Blessing. If today is bleak, do not despair, deal with today with your eyes on the future.

If a Man Dies, Will He Live Again.

We are moving to a new section titled, "Faith Looks to the Future" I will not die but live and will proclaim what the Lord has done. The Lord has chastened me severely, but he has no given me over to death. (Psalm 118:17,18) My first thought of the morning, Well that's a cheery start to the day." A little sarcasm is in that. I bet after I think and meditate i will get beyond that and see the real cheer. Yesterday I was focused on the chastened severely part. the rest of the verse is the cheery, amazing part. Even as people who have surrendered their lives to Christ suffer, even if they suffer until their physical body dies, they will have eternal life with Jesus! Jesus defeated the sting of death by paying the price of the World's sins. That's my sins, my daughter's, my husband's, and your's too. We are all offered this amazing gift of forgiveness of sins when we confess with our mouthes that Jesus Christ is Lord. That makes us so happy we should proclaim what the Lord did for us!

Questioning God's Ways

Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding? (Isaiah 40:13,14) I have often pondered this questions. At first I felt it was doubt, but then I realized that I was created, created by God. So being a created creature is all that I know. God was not created by someone. It is just something I've come to accept by faith. He is supreme. We might not understand His will at any given time, especially during adverse times, however we need to have faith in God's wisdom, judgment, knowledge and foresight. Our God is a loving God who is never, ever surprised by what is happening to us. For your thoughts are not my thoughts and your ways are not my ways. Isaiah 55:8

God's Time is the Best Time

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. (Lamentations 3:31,32) The words of the meditation talk about the blessings of joy and the blessings of affliction. Okay, most of us will call the last one an oxymoron. The blessings of affliction. What a statement. I hate experiencing affliction, especially at the time of going through it. I have learned to appreciate affliction. I am who I am, because of what I have "suffered." Our best times of learning and growth happen in affliction. I like the verse, Though he brings grief (God allows us to suffer grief) he will show compassion. How awesome is that! Even in grief God will be with us and feel for us. A small aside -- When I was a teenager, I remember thinking, "When I have kids, I will not let them suffer as I have (LOL), I will make sure they have lots of positive words and experiences, I will walk them through every problem and make it easy on them." Now as a parent, I pray that my daughter WILL face affliction! (really, really!) I temper it with "well, not really bad affliction, just enough she can learn from. Okay, the last part kind of offsets the first, but I really want my daughter to perservere, have faith, grow and learn. Without affliction, she will have only a bit of this if any. It isn't my job as a parent to shield her from every single (small)harm. (No, I won't let her run into a busy street, but I will let her fall on her face (figuritively) if her choice isn't the right one.) My job is to help her through them so she learns. Affliction is a blessing. We just generally only see that after the fact.

Reassurance for Doubting Hearts

Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, "will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah ber a child at the age of nintey?" (Genesis 17:17) Sarah. . . bore a son. . . at the very time God had promised him. . . . Sarah said, "God has brought me laughter, and every one who hears about this will laugh with me." (Genesis 212,6) This is a story of a God who keeps His promises! He promised a Savior from the line of Abraham. Abraham was 100 and Sarah 90! Yet Sarah bore Issac in her old age. Starting the fulfillment of the promise of Jesus Christ. Part of the story that is left out is that when God told Abraham and Sarah, they didn't fully believe in God's promise. They went out to find another way to fulfill it themselves (Hagar and Ishmael). This plan failed in that it brought a lot of trouble to the household of Abraham and Sarah. In His time God fulfilled his promise to Abraham, not Abraham's time. We need to have patience and wait on the Lord. As hard as it is, the laughter and joy that result are immeasurable. For instance, I had planned to be married by 25 and start having kids around 29. At 25, I didn't even have a boyfriend. I was deeply saddened by this fact and felt like I was "behind" my friends. As it turned out I got married at 29 and had one child at 33. The joy of this was worth the wait. God had the 11x14 photo when I had a 4x6. God's timing is based on a bigger picture than we see and it is up to us to wait on the Lord so we can experience the fulfillment of His promises.

The Comfort of God's Power

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours (1 Chronicles 29:11) My favorite part is "for everything in heaven and earth is yours." That includes me! God loves me soooooooo much that he suffered the death of His Son, so that I might not be separated from Him by my sin! Even more wonderful, it includes you, my daughter, grandkids, husband, bosses, cousins, aunts, uncles, co-workers and people I don't like very much. When ever I start to feel superior or better than someone, I remember that Jesus died for them to because they are sinners, too and who am I to judge them as less. When I feel inferior to someone, I remember that Jesus loves me as much as the other guy so I'm worthwhile, too.

The Protected Life

But now, this is what the Lord says -- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 4 1,3) Here is another mediation that I have struggled with. The text of the meditation talked about God not keeping us from dangers (true) and that he will walk with us through the danger (also true) then the meditation says " With the Lord walking at our side, we will reach the goal of our jouney unharmed." (False) At least this is false in my mind. Yes there will be trouble, yes, God will walk us through it, however there is no biblical promise that I can find that says we will come out alive and unscathed. The more I struggled with the words of the meditation, I again realized I was focusing on the words of a person and not on the words of God. God's Word says we were created by God, redeemed by God and called by name adn we are his! How awesome is that! We are not a number to God, no matter how many children God has, we knows us by name! He also promises to walk with us through the troubled times, sometimes we will come out unharmed and stronger and some times we are called to martyrdom. Even in the last example, God is with us utterly and totally.

Article from Bobby & Steve's Auto World Pegasus

By: Andrea Van Hofwegen
Grill Captain

What a quarter! Never have I gone through anything like this before. Two days after the Christmas Party I was leading our leadership meeting. I had a phone call with five minutes left to go. I made the choice to take it. It was my husband telling me that our daughter, Sri, was giving us custody of her two children. I was absolutely stunned beyond words. I couldn’t even finish the meeting.

We are now a part of a statistic that says over 70,000 children in Minnesota are cared for by their relatives. This is called Kinship Care.

At first, I thought I couldn’t be that difficult. They had been living with us and Mom for the past seven months. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. It has been harder than I ever could have imagined. The first few weeks are a sleep exhausted blur as we attempted to settle our one year old grandson, Matthew and two year old granddaughter, Vivian, into our household that includes four year old Gianna.

Not much of my parenting experience or leadership experience prepared me for the trials and tribulations of these early days. Don Brown (the E-85 man) wondered how we were surviving. The answer is God. In the first few weeks, we struggled mightily with finances and how to feed two extra mouths and add the daycare for two more children. We prayed. God provided. A Bobby and Steve’s Auto World team member came to our house with enough food for a week. A family friend sent us a check that covered what we were short on our mortgage! God is sooo good. Then we were able to get help to provide for the children.

Next, came providing for the childrens’ emotional and physical well being at a steep expense of our own sleep and emotional stability. God placed a resource called Comfort from Meditations (see http://esterstrail.blogspot.com for more information) in my hands. This has brought peace during the storm. In September 2010 at Zac and Tara’s wedding, Dan Richard’s wife, Patti suggested a book, “Parenting w/ Love and Logic” that has brought sanity back to us. God placed a fine lady from an internet site called www.momslikeme.com in my life that referred us to a Christian Recovery Center to work with Vivian’s emotional distress.

Whenever I felt I was too overwhelmed or too tired to go on, God provided the answer. There is a saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” The truth is that even the strongest, youngest and fittest among us can get too weary or too burdened to go on. When we reach this point (as I have) and we turn to God in trust and faith and lean on Him, He will renew our strength. The biggest lesson I had to learn was that God will give me enough strength for today and not to worry about tomorrow’s issues, because tomorrow He will met my needs again.

This has been a humbling journey and a big Thank you to all who prayed for us, gave us provisions and gave us great counsel and the resources that we have needed to get through the early days of kinship care. The situation is easier than it was, however it is still challenging and I will trust God to bear us through, because we can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us!

In Him We Shall Overcome

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they wil walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

This meditation runs in the same vein as the earlier ones. First I was thinking, another one on strength, how can I write more. Then I realized how we humans sometimes need this repetetive lesson to really learn. Last night Matthew was up seven times! My husband and I almost got into a fight over a middle of the night bottle that we are trying to eliminate. After the first volley I gave up. It wasn't the time for a fight. God gave me comfort and strength not to blow up. My nights and days are in the Lord's hands. Since the kids moved in 4 months ago, Matthew has only slept four nights through. We have only had three nights where all three kids slept through. We have had a lot of nights like last night. Up seven or more times. A co-worker wondered how I did it. I said, it wasn't me. God has been sustaining this sleepless stint for four months. Fo awhile, I felt like my sanity was tenuous because of extreme sleep deprivation. I found these medititations and I realized I wasn't alone, I needn't worry about tomorrow and that God would bear me up because HE never get weary like I do (everyday for a looong time) I make it because HE strengthens me.

Where is Your God?

They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. (Psalm 22:5)

This might be one the most asked questions. Where was your God when Japan suffered, where was God when Hitler was in control, where was God when X happened to me. This meditation really never directly answers the question. Here's my answer to what it is worth. God is with us ALL the time. We is with us in the good times and the challenging times. God never promised us we wouldn't suffer. We live in a sinful and fallen world as each of us in sinful and fallen.

Jesus suffered on the cross at Calvary. He bore the world's sins for us so we may have everlasting life. Jesus suffered, too. He was treated unjustly and was excecuted unjustly. He knows was it like to bear suffering. Jesus did this by choice. He didn't HAVE to do this. He love me enough and you enough to suffer that we might have eternal life.

When we find ourselves in the literal or figurative rubble of life, God is with us in. He will bear us up. When we fully trust God, we are not disappointed in Him. When I am tempted to be disappointed I remember that I have a 4 x 6 snapshot and that God has the 11 x14. He sees more and knows more and by faith I trust that He loves me enough to see me through no matter how hard it seems right now.

Don't Be Afraid

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, its water roar adn foam and the mountains quake with their surging. (Pslam 462,3)

This passage really makes me think of Japan right now. Their earth did give way and their see did roar. They are facing utter devastation. I haven't really even stopped to think "what if that were me?" Now that I have I can't imagine the fear that these people must be feeling. We had a house fire a few years ago. It was a very overwhelming feeling. I think the people in Japan must be feeling that 100 fold. We may not of had a fridge or stove for a week, but we had restaurants. We may not of had a roof over our head, but we had a hotel. The Japanese are fearing for their basic neccesities in a way I never have had to.

Where is God during all of this? He is walking by our sides (or even carrying us) when we call on him. He is our resting place, he is our strength, he is our comfort when we can take no more. When Gianna was born 9 weeks early, I was completely overwhelmed with fear and "what-ifs" I was terrified I would lose another child. My first night in the hospital waiting for events to play out was one of the longest nights of my life. In spite of medication that was supposed to knock me out, I was awake all night long. When I thought I could take no more, I prayed that God would take this situation. It was his ball to run. Whatever the outcome, the Glory was His. It was one of the most terrible nights I have endured and one of the most beautiful at the same time. My daughter was born at 3lbs, 3oz. She needed no supplemental oxygen at her birth or in the NICU. Her doctor said she was his favorite patient. When I asked why, he said that she was one of the easiest preemies he had ever had. We had prayer from coast to coast, north to south and two foreign countries. God is soooooo good! We walked through this valley with us and He brought us through.

Our only Hope and Help

If the Lord had not been on our side--let Israel say--if the Lord had not been on our side when men attacked us, when their anger flooded against us, they would have swallowed us alive; the food would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the waters would have swept us away. Praise be to the Lord, who hass not let us be torn by their teeth. We have escaped like a bird out of the folwer's snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped. Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 124)

I don't know how many times in the last four months I have said, I can't do this anymore, its too hard, and nobody can help me. i have no place to turn. So this particular meditation hit home, fast. The passage reminded me that there is always help in the God. No matter how big our challange is (right now raising three small children, two who aren't ours, one with emotional difficulties, getting nine reviews prepared (at least 9 hour of work), and getting the Pegasus out, usually 20- 40 hours of work, w/ hubby working all weekend!) God made the heavens and earth! That's a big, big job! I need to remember that with God all things are possible!

Again, I need to be fortified and strengthened EACH day from my God. I CAN do it!

The Fortifier

(The Lord) hath sent me . . . to proclaim the year of the Lords's favor and they day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion -to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. (isaiah 612,3)

Fortify means strengthen. So if God is a Fortifier, he is a strengthener. So when I find myself with an empty gas tank, i can call to Jesus, because my strength doesn't come from within, it comes from Christ.

The last part of the verse struck me the most. God wants to give a us a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair! How wonderful. My husband and I have faced many crisis, a crippling car accident, house fireS, premature birth, taking unexpected custody of our grandkids. In these times we have praised God instead of despaired. Now I know where the praise come from! God equipped us to do it. Wow.

Do Heros Faint?

"When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord." Jonah 2:7)

The words of this meditation talk abut althetes that pull down within themselves and find an inner reserve to pull out the win. This was directly contradictory to the first mediation, which talked about how that reserve can and will give out. This contradict has kept me thinking. Then I realized the contradiction was in the two author's words, not God word and it was God's word I needed to focus on.

When Jonah found himself in very dire circumstance, he remembered the Lord. That is when he found new hope and strength. It wasn't a powerful reserve inside of himself, it was the Lord that strengthen him. When I feel that I can no longer carry this burdern of three children, I can call on the Lord. When I feel like a don't have one ounce of patience left, I can call on the Lord. When I'm ready to give up, I can call on the Lord. Our faith in God's strength can prevent us from fainting into despair, quitting, worry, and frustration.

God's strength is made perfect when we are weakest in body and soul. Praise God

God Provides Strength for Each Day

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tires and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and no grow wery, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31)

One of the things that got my attention first was, God will not grow tired or weary. God doesn't get tired. He can run any race and not fall down, He can endure and hardship and keep going. There is no end to His patience (in the context of hard times). This mean that when I am tired, exhausted and have no hope that I can go on, I can rest in Him. At some point even the yound (and seemingly tireless) will falter. In this faltering God will renew their strength, no the individual themselves, but God! When we depend on God for our strength, we can walk without becoming faint! Wow!

The second thing that got my attention is that God has understanding that we cannot fathom. Whenever we feel alone and that nobody understands, God does. He isn't "shocked" that we have had a feeling that nobody else has experienced before. He understands beyond what we can understand. Another facet of this is that HE understands why we are going through what we are. He is building us up for something we may not ever know about. God is sooooo good.

Lastly, in the commentary in the book, it states that God gives us the strength to only get through today and that we need not worry about tomorrow's troubles, because God will renew us again tomorrow. I found a lot of comfort in this as I tend to be a worrier. one thing in my mind that disputes this a little, is that I think what we go through today strengthens us for our futures. Maybe I am looking to far ahead, looking at the benefit of the strength given me today to offer help for the future and not the act of just getting through the day?

Why I am doing this.

On December 7th, 2010, our lives dramatically changed. My husband's 22 year old daughter feeling inadequate as a mother, "gave" us her two children, Vivian - age 2 and Matthew - age 10 months. Talk about being speechless. Our family grew from 3 to 5 overnight. (We have a now 4 year old daughter.)

When we first took on this responsibility we were very unprepared for all that we faced emotionally, spiritually, financially, and mentally. For example, I was unprepared for the anger and guilt I felt. By weeks three and five I was literally questioning my sanity because of severe sleep deprivation. We underestimated how everything would impact our household. We figured the kids and mom had been living with us for seven months, how much different would if be? Extraordinarily different!

From the first minute of this my thoughts were so overwhelmed I could barely comprehend them. I told my husband that this was God's ball to run with. As much as we leaned on God, I felt that I kept fumbling the ball and not hearing the plays.

I found this three part series of devotionals called 'For Such a time as This" After reading the first one I was in tears with relief. The more I meditated on it, the more I felt called to blog about these devotionals. Why keep all this precious wisdom and words to myself when other people have their own situations that these devotions might help. Even if I end up being the only one who reads this, at least I can see my journey, however, since I feel that starting this is God-led, perhaps, by His Grace others can be blessed.