Storm Clouds on the Way to Heaven

"The Lord Blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first. (Job 42:1,2)

Boy, do I love this verse! It gives me immeasurable hope. The past five months might be the five hardest months I have endured. We still struggle with having Matthew and Vivian in our household. Lack of sleep is one of the biggest challenges that I face. Reading those words above give me hope that one day again, I might feel "normal." There will be an end to this time great challenge. My first thought on writing that was not that the kids will go back to Mom, but that we will learn how to deal with the emotional issues, lack of sleep and find us a fully integrated family. Whichever path it will be, God will provide.

The Author of the meditation, brought up another verse that comforts me today, 'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me." I need constant reminding that God is with us on this journey. Sometimes I feel like I fight this battle alone. I need to realize 1. I'm not alone and 2. Maybe it isn't a battle and I am the one making seem like that.

If you are inclined, would you please pray for me. It seems as those anger has taken residence in me. It seems to be simmering just under the surface. I let it out in form of yelling too much. Please pray this spirit of anger would be released.

A Pause in teh Meditations

I'm sorry tht it has been quiet for the last week. The past week has been difficult in the extreme. I have had such a lack of sleep that my sanity seems to be slipping. The kids just DO NOT sleep through the night. In nearly five months, all three kids have slept through the night just three times. I have slept poorly for the past 19 years so when they kids came and someone asked, how will this affect your sleep? I said, what sleep? Well, I found out that I got a lot more sleep then I thought I got, because it has indeed gotten worse.

This situation has caused all kinds of stress in our household -- lack of sleep, a strong-willed child that is constantly pushing her will against ours, an infant that whines, constantly especially when grandpa leaves, a little girl that doesn't get to have her parents attention like she was used to, a wage earner that is laid off (he starts a new job next Monday, though, praise God!) since January, increased financial expenses and the list could go on. Last Thursday, it came to a head during the overnight. I was up from 1:30 to 5 am (I wake up at 5:40), my husband blew up at me. Friday at work the following morning was a ssupremely difficult day. I wondered if I could survive it.

God bore me through. Had it been up to me, I wouldn't have made it through the front door that morning let alone get through my whole shift at work. I slept as well as I could on Friday night (only up twice with one child), Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights were full of wake ups, so I'm still exhausted, but God bears me up and gets me through the days and looooooong nights that so rarely bring any restful sleep. For the first time in 19 years, I'm thinking about taking sleep medication. Please pray for sleep. I am nearly critically in need of it. Lack of sleep causes irritation and severe lack of patience. I can't seem to give the best of myself under the circumstances and it seems that only the worst comes out no matter how hard of an effort I put in. God has been carrying me through, no dobut. I'd just like to get some sleep.

I will continue with the meditations, I just was sleeping any little bit I could, so I was skipping them.

Faith that Looks to the Future

I know that my Redemmer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. After my skin has been destoyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes -- I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me! (Job 19:25-27)

This is new to me. The words of the meditation suggest that when we are suffering that we focus on the resurrection of Christ. Wow! I had never, ever thought of this before. Maybe I am too focused on the here and now and not the beauty of our lives after death.

I do not fear death, (Only the repercussion my death may have on my little girl and husband) because I know of Christ's awesome promise of life with Him because he defeated death.

Another verse:"I consider our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. " Romans 8:18

Wow! This time of trial will seem as nothing when we are in Glory of God! This reminds me of when Gianna was in the NICU. At the time it seemed a tremendous trial and was so overwhelming, but today it seems like such a brief time and I wonder why we were so worried.

Looking to a Happy Ending

So the two women went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they arrived in Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred becauseof them adn teh women exlaimed, "Can this be Naomi," She told them, "Call me Mara, because teh Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me. The Alrmight has brougth misfortune upon me." (Ruth 1:19-21) A little background on Naomi. She, her husband and two sons left Bethlehem when there was a severe famine and they moved to Moab. While in Moab, her husband died and her sons took Moab women to be their wives. Eventually, her sons died as well. After 10 years is Moab, Naomi returned to Bethlehem with on of her daughter-in-laws, Ruth. As the meditation author put it, Naomi left Bethlehem with an empty tummy and returned with an empty heart. Ruth became God's hands to Naomi, she was a great blessing. In time Ruth bore a son who was the grandfather of King David and it was out of King David's line that our Savior came. What a legacy for Naomi. Sometimes when we focus on the past, we can lose what the future will present us is the ways of God's Blessing. If today is bleak, do not despair, deal with today with your eyes on the future.

If a Man Dies, Will He Live Again.

We are moving to a new section titled, "Faith Looks to the Future" I will not die but live and will proclaim what the Lord has done. The Lord has chastened me severely, but he has no given me over to death. (Psalm 118:17,18) My first thought of the morning, Well that's a cheery start to the day." A little sarcasm is in that. I bet after I think and meditate i will get beyond that and see the real cheer. Yesterday I was focused on the chastened severely part. the rest of the verse is the cheery, amazing part. Even as people who have surrendered their lives to Christ suffer, even if they suffer until their physical body dies, they will have eternal life with Jesus! Jesus defeated the sting of death by paying the price of the World's sins. That's my sins, my daughter's, my husband's, and your's too. We are all offered this amazing gift of forgiveness of sins when we confess with our mouthes that Jesus Christ is Lord. That makes us so happy we should proclaim what the Lord did for us!